Humor - From a Fark photoshop contest

Click for bigger version.
Credit to DarkJohnson on Fark.com.

Brilliant.

Humor - New email scam. Brilliant!

Dear American:

I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.

I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America. My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.

I am working with Mr. Phil Gram, lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a Senator, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transactin is 100% safe.

This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check. We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.

Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction. After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.

Yours Faithfully Minister of Treasury Paulson

Personal - An email exchange with my wife

Over the course of the last week or so…

Me: I want to buy a motorcycle.

Her: No.

Me: But we’ll save $X a month on gas!

Her: No.

Me: Here’s one on Craigslist.

Her: No.

Me: Here’s another one. Good price.

Her: No.

Me: Look! Here’s a really cool one! Cheap too! It’ll pay for itself in months!

Her: Have you ever driven a motorcycle?

Me: Well... no...

Her: Well....don't you think that would be the best thing to do FIRST?

Me: Well… yes… can I?

Her: No.

Humor - Kansas Technology

After having dug to a depth of 10 yards last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their New York ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: 'California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, the 'Ness County News,' a local news paper in Ness City, Ks., reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 30 yards in wheat fields near Beeler, KS, Larry Guy, a self-taught archaeologist and dyed-in-the-wool Jayhawk fan, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Larry has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Kansas had already gone wireless.'

A Picture Share - What Bill is thinking...

"I should have let Ted Kennedy drive her home from my first inauguration."

Current events - Run the ball! Run it!

From the Kansas City Star :

Fight forces lockdown at Jackson County Jail

A brawl led to the lockdown of the Jackson County Jail Sunday night, according to media reports.
The fight apparently broke out over the Chiefs game, inmates’ relatives told reporters. It was unclear if anyone was seriously hurt, or how long the jail was locked down.
Jail officials declined to comment early Monday morning.

LOL.

I bet it was when they called a pass to the corner of the end zone on 3rd and short!

Humor - The light bulbs will welcome us as liberators!

From Zaius Nation

How many Bush administration officials does it take to change a light bulb?

The answer is seven:

* One to deny that a light bulb needs to be replaced.

* One to attack and question the patriotism of anyone who has questions about the light bulb.

* One to blame the previous administration for the need of a new light bulb.

* One to arrange the invasion of a country rumored to have a secret stockpile of light bulbs.

* One to get together with Vice President Cheney and figure out how to pay Halliburton one million dollars for each light bulb.

* One to arrange a photo-op session showing Bush changing the light bulb while dressed in a flight suit and wrapped in an American flag.

* And finally, one to explain to Bush the difference between screwing a light bulb and screwing the country.

Current events - To be placed on your fossil fueled vehicle

A great bumper sticker for the Creation Museum

Humor - Mad cow

Two cows are standing around in a pasture.

One cow looks at the other and says: "Hey, have you heard about this new mad cow disease going around?"

The other cow says, "What do I care? I'm a helicopter."

Humor - Explains everything

Q: Is it possible to get pregnant from anal sex?

A: Yes, where do you think the RIAA lawyers come from?

Games - If JC played WoW

This is from a chat on linkfilter:

Hugh2d2> My favorite Manah-Manah
r03> ROFLMAO!
* * * pneum0nic tries really hard not to laugh....
crataegus> That's fscked up, hugh. What's funnier is that they have "all glory and honor to Jesus Christ" at the end of that video, and they play WoW.
Hugh2d2> JC would play WoW. He'd be a holy spec priest of course.
r03> ah. same ol same ol
Hughd2> Unless he wanted to f' with some people... then he'd hava an undead warlock alt.
pneum0nic> if JC played WoW would he be horde?
pneum0nic> or alliance?
Hugh2d2> He'd play on a carebear server... he'd have alts on both sides
Hugh2d2> I don't see JC having a high PvP ranking
Hugh2d2> but I bet he'd dominate in capyure the flag matches
crataegus> Unless he was into that whole "vengeful jealous" mode...
crataegus> Jesus could hide the flag in his stigmata.
Hugh2d2> he'd be like *boop* speed hack! or *boop* walkin on water hack!
r03> ouch....waiting for lightning
Hugh2d2> his guild "Da Ap0stlz" would be like ROTFLMAO! JC pwnz u noobz!

Humor - If I don't laugh, I'll cry

Q: What's the difference between Iraq and Vietnam?

A: George Bush had a plan for getting out of Vietnam.

Politics - 2008... time for REAL change!

Bush, George H.W. 1989-1993
Clinton, William J. 1993-2001
Bush, George W. 2001-2009
Clinton, Hillary R. 2009-2013

Really? Still think we don't have a problem in Washington?

Stewart/Colbert 2008!

Science - RIP, Pluto

Via AP Wire by way of the Kansas City Star

Leading astronomers declared Thursday that Pluto is no longer a planet under historic new guidelines that downsize the solar system from nine planets to eight.

News flash: Plutonian scientists have downgraded Earth from "planet" to "annoying bunch of pricks who think they are so important." More on this story as it develops.

Humor - Why beer is better than religion

Via Brewstraveler.com
Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Religion

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

Humor - Are you ready?